“Why are you rolling around on the floor?” I asked Freya. It’s not an uncommon sight but she seemed to be putting a lot of effort into making it look more agonising than usual.
“My heart…” she paused dramatically. “is broken.”
“Oh no, how did that happen?” I said, conversationally – paying no attention to her Oscar-winning performance.
“Because no one loves me anymore.”
That sound? My own heart shattering into a million little pieces (I wonder who she gets her sense of drama from?).
This happened on Friday afternoon, following her first week of mornings at nursery. We gradually built up the time each day until she was there for the full three hours.
She managed fine the first few days but by Friday it all got a bit too much, which was totally understandable given that she’s mostly been by my side for the last three years.
She went in with barely a goodbye, thanks to her new curly-haired best friend (who came with a lovely, friendly mummy who helped me so much last week) but apparently got really upset during the morning (to the point they were watching clips of mermaids on YouTube to cheer her up).
When I picked her up she was fine until we got out of the school gates and then she sobbed. It took ages to calm her down and there was lots of “Why did you leave me? Why don’t you want to look after me anymore? I called for you and you didn’t come”.
She even woke up from her nap, still half asleep, saying: “I just want my mummy, please let me see my mummy!” Gah! I picked her up and held on to her and, I admit, my eyes got a bit swimmy at that point – although luckily she didn’t see.
My poor little love.
Over the weekend I’ve tried to explain that just because I’m not with her doesn’t mean I don’t love her. Hopefully it’s getting through. She has been a mixture of upset and ragey with small glimpses of happy Freya. I know this is because her world has changed so much and she’s not really sure how to cope with it so I just try and ride it out.
I casually broached the subject of going to school with her yesterday and she seems quite keen – especially because she will see her friend again. She’s only going two days a week for now so hopefully she will have time to get used to it while still spending plenty of time with me.
Fingers crossed for week two.
If your little one has recently started nursery or school I hope they’re getting on ok. If you have bigger ones, can you tell me when I will stop looking at my phone approximately every three minutes just in case the school has called (and I didn’t hear it ring even though it’s on max volume)?