Couch to 5k – week 1, day 1…

I always have company when I run; the two little voices in my head who compete against each other as I amble along.

In the one corner there is someone who strongly resembles Joan Collins in looks and attitude (I think this is because she appeared in a locker room on an advert for chocolate, which is never very far from my thoughts.)

“If you want to sit this next run section out, you can,” She says. “You’re a strong woman, no one can tell you what to do – not least a robot voice on an app. You’re fine as you are.”

Just as I’m thinking “Yes, Joan! You are so right. If I want to walk, I should walk” from the other corner a woman I’m pretty sure is Katy from CBeebies (possibly a sign that the tele is on too much?) pipes up.

“You are a strong woman and that’s why you will carry on. Your legs feel fine, your breathing is good, why would you walk? The only person you are cheating is yourself. Now, hustle!” She says, giving a little encouraging clap.

As I start to jog, Joan death stares Katy, who rolls her eyes and gets back to combining random ingredients to come up with recipes for her show.

Joan knows she will have another shot in a minute or so when another walk section begins anyway.

And so it carries on for the entire 30 minute programme. I imagine it’s only going to get worse when the run times gets longer and Joan will probably have even more to say.

Does everyone have this to and fro? I can’t really imagine Paula Radcliffe having such a discussion in her head. I’m not really sure how to make it so I only hear Katy when it’s often so tempting to sit down and have a Snickers with Joan.

Workout: 60/90 jogging/walking plus 5 min warm up and down.

Weather: Glorious bright sunny day.

Wildlife: One magpie, two squirrels, numerous other birds.

Comments from the public: Three good mornings and one “lovely day”.

Times wanted to stop: Approx 22 (see above).